"There's Pictures In Here"

That was a quote from one of the girls in my confirmation group last night. I have a little book that I carry in my purse that I call my "Brain Book". I write down things I want to remember and draw out my ideas as I have them. Last night I was using the book to take notes on the pastors teaching time so I would remember the things I wanted to bring up with my group. During our small group discussion time, I had my book out and laying in front of me open to the page with the notes on it. One of the girls picked up the book and asked if she could look through it. As she turned the pages, she exclaimed "There's pictures in here. You draw?" It was an expression of utter amazement. I'm not sure if that was a good thing or not. Needless to say, my book went around the circle for the other girls to see. While there was nothing terribly personal in the book, just ideas, I had the same feeling about that I get when my finished pieces are on display - a strange mix of excited, embarrassed, and a little afraid that someone is going to figure out that I have no business doing this art thing. I wonder if that feeling will ever pass. This week has been a little crazy in that I have had a sick kid home from school most of the week. That has meant that I have done my "day" job from home, been running to the doctor, and generally rearranging life to accommodate. Not a lot of art going on here. But lots of kid stuff going on - the good stuff as well as the tough stuff with one sick.

Time

I think I have been operating under the false assumption that I am the one that determines when it is the "right" time to do something. I have tried this artful life before thinking that somehow that was the right time. But things just didn't go anywhere - little response or interest and my energy and interest for it all faded rather quickly. It feels different this time - I think. Yesterday as we were working on a concept for work, I was actually asked "Carole, could you draw this. I need a way to visualize this." That has never happened before. I have actually had someone say to me "you are an artist". Never happened before. I am not sure that I'm comfortable with the idea of being an artist yet. I get these thoughts like how can I possible think of myself as an artist? What gives me the right to claim that title? So with these new moments of encouragement, dare I think that maybe instead of being the one that has decided it is time, maybe this time it is God that has nodded and said it is time. I suspect that when I tried before, there were other things that I needed to do and concentrate on - like my kids and rebuilding my life. But now as life is moving forward and we are settling into our new normal, I can open myself up to these new and wonderful things. ).

Here goes my friends - I'm taking a deep breath once again and jumping. A couple of years ago, my mother gave me a quote that roughly said, "when you come to the end of all that you can see, faith is knowing that when you step into the unseen, you will either step onto solid ground or you will be taught to fly." (or swim in keeping with my original story about the diving board By the way, the new camera is here!!! So I'll be able to start adding pictures