"There's Pictures In Here"

That was a quote from one of the girls in my confirmation group last night. I have a little book that I carry in my purse that I call my "Brain Book". I write down things I want to remember and draw out my ideas as I have them. Last night I was using the book to take notes on the pastors teaching time so I would remember the things I wanted to bring up with my group. During our small group discussion time, I had my book out and laying in front of me open to the page with the notes on it. One of the girls picked up the book and asked if she could look through it. As she turned the pages, she exclaimed "There's pictures in here. You draw?" It was an expression of utter amazement. I'm not sure if that was a good thing or not. Needless to say, my book went around the circle for the other girls to see. While there was nothing terribly personal in the book, just ideas, I had the same feeling about that I get when my finished pieces are on display - a strange mix of excited, embarrassed, and a little afraid that someone is going to figure out that I have no business doing this art thing. I wonder if that feeling will ever pass. This week has been a little crazy in that I have had a sick kid home from school most of the week. That has meant that I have done my "day" job from home, been running to the doctor, and generally rearranging life to accommodate. Not a lot of art going on here. But lots of kid stuff going on - the good stuff as well as the tough stuff with one sick.

Time

I think I have been operating under the false assumption that I am the one that determines when it is the "right" time to do something. I have tried this artful life before thinking that somehow that was the right time. But things just didn't go anywhere - little response or interest and my energy and interest for it all faded rather quickly. It feels different this time - I think. Yesterday as we were working on a concept for work, I was actually asked "Carole, could you draw this. I need a way to visualize this." That has never happened before. I have actually had someone say to me "you are an artist". Never happened before. I am not sure that I'm comfortable with the idea of being an artist yet. I get these thoughts like how can I possible think of myself as an artist? What gives me the right to claim that title? So with these new moments of encouragement, dare I think that maybe instead of being the one that has decided it is time, maybe this time it is God that has nodded and said it is time. I suspect that when I tried before, there were other things that I needed to do and concentrate on - like my kids and rebuilding my life. But now as life is moving forward and we are settling into our new normal, I can open myself up to these new and wonderful things. ).

Here goes my friends - I'm taking a deep breath once again and jumping. A couple of years ago, my mother gave me a quote that roughly said, "when you come to the end of all that you can see, faith is knowing that when you step into the unseen, you will either step onto solid ground or you will be taught to fly." (or swim in keeping with my original story about the diving board By the way, the new camera is here!!! So I'll be able to start adding pictures

64 Crayons

It all started with a box of 64 crayons with the sharpener on the back. I've wanted to be an artist ever since that first box. More years later than I care to think about, I read "The Last Lecture" and the rest is history. Even now when I get a whiff of that crayon smell, I instantly find myself back in that place of having a brand new box of crayons and feeling like I was the next best thing to Monet. (Although I didn't know who he was at the time.)

Crayons continue to be my indirect inspiration but now faith and my everyday life have moved to the forefront. Just about anything can be my materials (including used dryer sheets). But I don't use crayons any more. Maybe I should. Just in case you were wondering, no my new camera isn't here yet. I found this great image on the internet. Thank you to whoever took this phenominal picture.

Where Are The Pictures to Go With This Blog?

Good question. They are coming, but at the moment my camera is broken. A new camera is on the way and then I will be able to post some wonderful pictures. But until then, my words will have to create the pictures. By the way, don't tell my kids about the new camera. I'd like to keep this secret from them as long as possible.

Because I Said So.

They say that inspiration can come from any place in this artistic life. I have to admit however, that so far I am a little surprised at the places that it does come from. This week one of the odd places it came from was an episode of "Nanny 911" off of Netflix. Yes, you read it right . . "Nanny 911". One of the nanny's actually said that it was time for a parent to lay down the law with the kids. She told the parents the kids need to hear them say "you do this because I said so".

Here is my question. . . why is it that I expect that that phrase will be enough to inspire blind obedience from my children, when it isn't enough to inspire me to the same when God in Christ Jesus asks it of me?

When I as a parent say those wonderful (haha) words, I am somehow surprised when my kids look at me and say "not good enough, or look at me like "Are you kidding me?" or "prove to my why I should". I get furious at that answer or look from them. But when I give the same answer to God when God says the same to me . . . somehow I always fail to see the similarites between the two responses..

The more I've thought about this, the more I think that unlike me in my humanity, God has more than earned that blind trust from me. In fact God has proven to me over and over again that I can and should trust, blindly or not. Because I am always the better for it.

So with all of this wonderful inspiration, what does all of this look like on canvas? I'm still waiting for that part of the inspiration. I'll let you know when it shows up.

Jump!!!

When I was a little kid, I was afraid of deep water. In swimming lessons I would have to go to the end of the diving board and jump off and then swim to the side of the pool. I would walk to the end of the diving board and stand there scared to death to jump into the water. I'd stand there as long as I could get away with, and then finally jump in. It was never as bad as I thought it was going to be, but it sure scared me. Fast forward about 25 years - I was in my then spiritual directors office for a session. We were in prayer when the image of me standing at the edge of the diving board came back to me (the first time I had thought about it in many years). It was at a time where I was at a crossroads in my life, trying to figure out what was next. The image made so much sense at that time. And I have kept that image with me ever since. It is especially strong when I do something that is difficult or new. And this is certainly new.

I've decided to name it and claim it . . . I am an artist. I've been playing at it for some time, but something inside of me is saying it is time. That something I'm sure is God pushing and proding as God tends to do until I finally decide to listen.

So here goes . . . I'm jumping and it will be fun to see where I land.